You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
