You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
