I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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