So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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