Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
