I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
