omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
