Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
