It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
