And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
