You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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