Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How does one acquire holy water?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
