Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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