I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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