I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
