That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
