watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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