i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
