Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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