I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
