Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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