I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i dont even know how to be here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
