Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
