he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
