what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
