i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
