there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
