if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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