Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
