Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
