i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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