I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
