Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
