it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Who died my cat blue again?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
