Your dad touched me again.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
