i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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