they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
