there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
