dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
