apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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