you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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