Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
