Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
