you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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