textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
