I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
