is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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