i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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