I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize