Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
