i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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