My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
