I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
