The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I supernannyed him into submission
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
