Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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