I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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