I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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