He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't turn off my feet"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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