so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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