I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
