Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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