I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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