there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
