So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
