I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Barsexuality is the new black.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize