dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
