Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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