My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
