i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
