Got a toothbrush?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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