vagina is talking i cant
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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